How to Become a Librarian: 3. What Happens After the Party

The last straw of my party-time career occurred when the snake of a guy I liked turned out to have a girlfriend... again. I fell for that trick a few times. The tricky part about these 20 to 30-something scenester guys is that the girlfriend is never around! What do these girls think their boyfriends are doing at night? I'm all for independence, but if your boyfriend says he's "promoting" himself or "networking" at parties with a bunch of other deadbeats until 5 or 6AM, just be wary. It's difficult to be the "other" woman when you honestly didn't know about the absentee girlfriend. I am very sorry to a few girls out there...

Finally, you realize that now is the time to move on. People will say they miss you, but they never really knew you in the first place. The lights are on, it's 4:30AM, and you gotta go because you're better than these people that aren't really your friends.

The glamour of nightlife is easy to miss and the feeling of being left out and bored and boring is hard to handle. So, to replace that confidence and razzle-dazzle, I pursued "alternative" modeling as a new hobby. I'll be the first to admit - I have a prejudice against models. I also realize that it's mostly because of my own insecurity. I feel like models are made out to be the ideal. I always over-analyze my weight, even though I have never had a weight problem. The reasonable side of me knows I should be happy with how I look, but I am so hard on myself about my body. My mom has always struggled with her weight and I definitely think that has affected my own body image. I have total sympathy for anyone that has a weight problem. I don't think runway models are making anyone feel better about or even ok with how they look - not that it's their fault, more the whole fashion industry and our culture. I'd much rather look like a Vargas pin up girl than a runway model.

I also don't understand why models are the fit-model for clothing. Clothes can be beautiful works of art that everyone can participate in and I love fashion, but why would clothes be made for people that don't look anything like the majority of people that really buy and wear them. It doesn't make sense to me. All of the models I have met in New York have also been pretty close to the negative stereotype. I'm not a hateful person and I'd love to get to know tons of smart, cool, humble models - if anyone knows any - or maybe you're one, yourself. Let me know... Anyway, I'm off the soapbox and "alternative" modeling is so much fun and here is a sample of my little hobby!