How to Become a Librarian: 7. The Lonely "M"

I made it! It’s been a bit of a shock. A few days ago I was surrounded by family and friends – going away party after going away party – feeling the love. The day I left, I kept thinking, this is the day I move to Europe. Today is the day I’ve been talking about for a year! It became part of my identity. Whenever I was introduced to anyone, they would say, “She’s moving to Dublin to go to grad school.” Yesterday, I finally did it! I arrived in Dublin and temporarily moved in to a cold, empty house that belongs to my former boss at Taproom. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate having a free place to stay, but it has definitely been more than a little depressing. Big changes can be depressing at the beginning, but I think once I find a place to live and school starts, I’ll be great. I’m just trying to accept and be aware of my feelings and not get too down in the dumps because I know that things won’t be so lonely very soon.

This transition makes me think about why I wanted to move in the first place. Some people never make a big move in their lives. That’s what I kept thinking as I said goodbye to everyone – I don’t have to do this. I felt so sad to leave everyone and the city I love so much, but I kept thinking, “This is a good idea, right?” Even though I’m alone and not having a good time right now, I still know it’s a good idea. If I’m still feeling like this in 6 months, it might be a problem, but I don’t think I will.

It’s so strange doing things that make me feel like I live here instead of like I’m on vacation. Yesterday, I bought a cell phone. Something like learning how to use a new phone instead of my iPhone makes me feel like I really live here. The sad thing is I don’t have any contacts to put in it. I can’t transfer anything because I’ll never use it to call any American numbers. It seems temporary and permanent at the same time, but I guess that’s how everything about this move is going to feel. Today, I bought a hair dryer and a bus card. I feel like I’m preparing myself for a little life here. A year in Europe keeps switching back and forth in my head from feeling like no time at all to forever. The two things I’m getting used to are the weather and the food, but not in the way you might be thinking. I knew it would be a little chilly and rainy, but I’ve noticed that everyone around me is wearing short sleeves. I’ve been trying to fit in by not wearing a big coat, just a sweater. Also, I’ve realized how much I used to depend on eating the same things all the time. In New York I ate the same things from the same places every day. I feel lost without San Loco, the bibimbop deli, and steamed fish at home. Before I left, Hayley told me about how studying abroad is like an M or a W, with the emotional low points and peaks. That helps me to think about now, as I’m starting out in the lonely beginning of the M. I know I’ll get to the top, sooner than later, though! So, hopefully it’s more like a lower case m…

Here are some pictures to commemorate my last week in NYC: