17. 50/50

I've been a bit conflicted, lately. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life (aren't we all, blah blah, blah) I realized that my problem is that I find myself being drawn to completely opposite extremes in things. Is it just me or does everyone feel like this?

For example, I want to look like a tough-girl punk...

 

 ... and a 1950's pin up (who takes pictures of herself with an iPhone, of course):

Sometimes I feel like I want to be covered in tattoos and, then, I think I'll just stop, now.

I don't know what I want to do with my degree - something traditional or not?
 
I think these extreme ideas come up at this age to force yourself to prioritize and find the middle ground between all the things you really want.

...which brings me to my next topic. I really think self-awareness is the key to happiness. Wow, I think in my first post I mentioned that idea and said "more on that later" and here we are: much, much later. Anyway, I think it's only a positive thing to be in tune with your own desires. That word, "desire," makes me think sexual, which is true, as well, but, I'm just talking about what each of us wants, as individuals. Are you hungry, lonely, bored, sad? If you're in touch with what that feels like and why you feel like that and what you, personally, need to do to change it, then, you can make yourself happier. Even if you feel lonely, that's okay because if you're aware of it and you realize it's just an emotion, it's easier to control. People are full of emotions, but they come and go. Not to say, "don't worry, be happy." Being lonely is okay and relevant, too.

That's why I like astrology, psychics, numerology, tarot cards, and, lately, totem and spirit animals - all that mumbo jumbo. People like to talk about themselves, but, a lot of the time, it's enough to just think about yourself. I identify with so much of what is written about Libras - being indecisive, especially, which goes back to the whole extremes thing.

There sure is a lot of detail in the butt region right?

 From my reading, I think my "spirit animals" are the Raven and the Moose. See, if I were to go in to a long explanation of how and why I identify with those animals, I feel like you would get bored. People usually read their own horoscope, first. Look up your own spirit animal or whatever works for heightening your own self-awareness. It's fun.

 

16. Old News - Homecoming & the Ghost of a Christmas Past

It's not as fun to write about going home for the holidays months after the fact, but I digress...

I was so excited about coming home on Christmas Eve. Everyone I know had already left Dublin weeks before and I was just waiting to go to sleep every day to get the countdown over with. The level of homesickness reached in the last few days before the flight was unbelievable. I get really in to holidays, anyway, so, the Christmas spirit was out of hand at that point. I just wanted to get home to my family. I think I can come off like I don't care about being around my family, sometimes, but that's not true. This year abroad has gotten me thinking about my priorities and whatnot - more on that later.

My mom never disappoints on the Christmas decoration front. Here's the proof:

It was so fun.

Then, I went to Baltimore to celebrate New Year's Eve:

Yes, that is a hub-cap Christmas tree. Gotta love it.

After the holiday madness, my mom and I went to see Chaplin on Broadway. No one could have appreciated it more. I am his ultimate admirer, so, I was really skeptical about the actor playing him, but he was amazing at playing the Tramp. I even got a little emotional when he first came out in full costume and did all the movements and everything because I would have loved to see the real-deal, so much. By the end, I was full-on tearing up because it was at the end of his life and I felt like I had just been to his funeral. It was too much!

While I was at home, I got to catch up with almost all of the Mean Girls, my gang. I was sad to hear that they hadn't hung out, since my going-away party. She was joking when she said it, but one of my friends said, "I'm the glue that holds the MG's together!" I wish we could all spend more time together.

Last, but not least, and luckily enough, my dad came to NYC while I was still in town. One night, we got to go to The Mckittrick Hotel to see a New Orlean's-style jazz band. It was a super fancy night out with cocktails to match!